The Cloud of Unknowing

The Cloud of Unknowing was written anonymously by a 14th century author, for monks.  But this Mom is benefitting alongside of many other pilgrims in prayer. 

I take hold of that cloud and delve in.  The Cloud of Unknowing is where you come to Father God.  It is simple, because you don't have to have an image of God in your mind.  You come to him in a great cloud and direct all of your love into his presence.  You approach him as the unseen God.  All of your anxious thoughts and distractions, you place them under a "cloud of forgetting".  Then using a word that captures the essence of your prayer, you direct your word into the cloud and open yourself to however God desires to reveal himself.  "One little gasp contains the height, depth, width, and breadth of the spirit." (The Cloud of Unknowing edited by Bernard Bangley)

This is a way for me to pursue relationship with Abba God, which has often not come very naturally to me.  I more often come to Jesus in prayer.  But I love being opened to the mystery of the fullness of the Godhead.  And when you take all pressure off of yourself to try and imagine or picture what God looks like, you are presenting yourself to God, as he is.  It provides a spacious place to get to know him without preconceived ideas about what he is like.  What we think Father God is like can sometimes block us from who he truly is, and who he wants to be for us.

So I take a word, LOVE, and I direct it into the cloud.  Over and again, this simple prayer, LOVE.  Or, TRUST.  Many words don't have a place here.  It is simple devotion to the heart of God from your heart.  And then you find yourself in the presence, and in the presence of God, his mystery beckons you to deeper places with him.  And then you start to feel his heart and receive from him.  You are open to whatever he wants to share with you in this great cloud of his presence.

How do you experience God as Father?

Exploring the Invitation of Jesus

Ever since I don't know, I have been drawn to prayer and the rest of Jesus.  But when you are a Mom of three little kiddies under the age of 5, you sometimes wonder how you are ever going to find the time?  Real time to spend with Jesus.  Like not groggy waking up, forcing open the eyelids after a night of up and down to spend 10 minutes in the word kind of time - on a good day!  Like not closing your eyes for a few moments getting a prayer in edge-ways only to be asked, "Mommy, why are your eyes closed?" 

I am sure that God meant for us to experience his presence in the day to day of life.  And I am sure that he is so creative he can come up with a great variety of ways to know relationship with him and that it doesn't always have to look like the traditional version of what "Quiet Time" brings to mind.  Waking up early, quiet space to spend time uninterrupted with your Saviour?  Uninterrupted is a rare beautiful thing in my life at the moment.  Hence the desire to open up a blog discussion on prayer for the busy ones.  Prayer for the run-around-in-the-rat-race but longing-for-Jesus children.  So I am going to do a series on the exploration of prayer and I welcome all your input.  Every one of your - this is how I do it stories.  All of your ways you find to "Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

For starters, I open up with the Secret Garden:
I have been given an ornate and antique key.  I hold it around my neck.  There is a secret garden that is for me alone to access.  The door is covered with creepers, but I lift the creepers and unlock the door, turn the handle, and... I'm in.  Jesus is always waiting for me.  The garden is eternal, because it holds the past, present and future of my walk with God.  I sit on a bench next to Jesus and we hold each other's hands and look into each other's faces.  There is so much to be said without saying a word.  Sometimes I kneel before him with my head in his lap and pour out my tears, concerns and sorrows.  Other times we go for a walk and he shows me what is growing, what is being pruned, cut, weeded, what is being sown.  There is intimacy as we walk hand in hand.  There is sharing, heart to heart.

What does your Secret Place with God look like?

"Don't be afraid, for I am with you"

Looking back over the photos of Abi, here she is a little baby with such a smile.  Fast forward a couple of years and Abi is holding Sophia.  Nearly two years later, Abi, Sophia & Joelle sitting on the couch and I wonder some days, all this beauty in my life and some days I wonder, how am I going to make it? 

Some days I feel afraid I'm not going to make it, when I'm so tired from waking up in the night and not getting enough sleep. When I'm mediating quarrel after quarrel. When the moaning starts and there is no cut off time to it. When the crying starts and then everything else besides combines to set off the Mommy-ain't-goin-back fuse and I think, I'm afraid I won't be able to do it anymore

Then this morning's reading comes up
"Don’t be afraid, for I am with you"

There's no reason to fear when I am here
When you feel at the end of yourself, it's then you will find my strength
Waiting for you in the centre of it all.

Waiting for me in the centre of it all is strength in the heart of my life. My God is the centre of the heart of my life and he smiles strength, oozes it into the fibres of me, marinades me in it, reminds me of it. I don't have to be afraid, cause he is here, with me.

A Whole New World

 

God knows when we're ready to climb up to the next level of life.  He also knows when he needs to hold onto us.  He gives us a feeling for what is to come, but knows we need his support until we are ready to take off up the branches, climb and adventure onto the next level, move forward into the next season.

It's kind of like being just about ready to crawl.  We're getting just about ready to be mobilised and launched into something new.  We're so poised, so ready, but not quite there yet. Life can be like that.  We're feeling oh so ready, yes God. But somehow, we've got some more growing, some more strengthening to do before that first tentative move takes us in a new direction. And then the world is about to open up at our front door.

 

It's like the first day of school and we don't know what to expect.  We are still plugged into the car chair, on the verge of the inevitable, about to walk through the door into a whole new world.  We don't know exactly what to expect.  Are we going to be ok?  Are we going to manage?  Are we going to thrive?

The first-day-of-school feeling comes with a mixture of emotions.  We are excited to be doing something new and wow, it's finally here.  But at the same time, we're not sure exactly how to feel about all of this newness.  God is like the parent who is always rooting for us.  He's behind us all the way.  He knows there's nothing to worry about.

It's not so scary after all.  We take that first step up the slide, and we're about to free-fall glide into a whole new world.

 

Again...

You know how you get those incredible God highs, times with God that seem eternal, like you're never going to forget them, like they're going to go on forever?  Well, isn't it funny, and strange how those times often fade in our minds, and there I am wondering where did God go, or where did I go?

But it's something He said to me, "I never left you".  That was at a time I needed it the most.

He never leaves.  But I sometimes drift.  And it's at those times, I need to come back to my inner centrifugal force of spiritual gravity and come back to that place again and again

Here we are on the verge of things altogether new.  Just testing out the new ground by stepping off the run of the mill path and exploring what can be seen, what can be found.  When I come back to my God in the centre of me, he encourages me to see things in the not so ordinary run of the mill way.  He lifts me out of the mundane and into the new way of seeing.  My circumstances may not be changing very quickly, but he can make something happen inside of me very quickly indeed.

I'm reaching out for a fresh revelation.  I'm coming back to the word to read it afresh, again and again.

I've been waiting at the door and now all of a sudden this door has a key, poised, just waiting to be turned.  It's as I come back to the threshold of God's door, that I can find the courage and strength to turn it, to walk on through.

Dive into the Sea of Glass

When I feel stranded on the island of obscurity, surrounded by a sea of laundry and much else besides, back ground music being the cacophony of squabbles and crying, it got me to thinking about the sea of glass around the throne. 

There is so much peace there, it's all quiet as crystal, this sea.  Glory is what the water is made of.  The water is deeper than all my troubles.  The water goes further to quench me than anything can make me feel desperately thirsty, no dried out crusty Mom's-had-enough feeling can compete with this kind of water, that quenches thirst so deep you won't be thirsty anymore.
Dive into the sea of glass around the throne.  Revelation talks about it, clear as crystal.  That kind of peace is the peace I need to dive into, deeper than ever before.

It's here around the unconditional presence of my loving Father that I find joy in the moments, of gurgling baby, laughter and smiles amidst the trying demanding times I am faced with on a daily basis.

Diving deeper than ever before, deeper into this kind of grace is going to give me such a thrusting surge of strength into my spirit being, such a thirst quenching of grace, such a boost into clarity and perspective.  Because from my Father's side of life, everything has a purpose and a reason and a time.  And it's all beautiful in its time, it's all making something beautiful out of me.

Taking Christmas in our stride!

This Christmas, there is so much to think about.  A busy year behind us, God doing so many amazing things in our lives.  There is a tendency to rush about, getting ready for this, getting ready for that.  Thinking about the family times we've had this past year, Joelle Bethany born into our family!  And remembering my Gran - we celebrated her life this year, such a precious time of thinking about her life at her memorial and all she added to ours.

Now, this Christmas, instead of getting lost in the shops searching around for the right gifts in a frenzy of shoppers and buzzing tills, I want to remain in the peace that Jesus brought, our Prince who brought peace into the world of our hearts.  I want to be a "Peaceful Christmas Person"!

Instead of spending a lot of time and money where time and money cannot really be spent, I want to slow right down and take in these beautiful summer days, stop and smell the flowers along the way, observe the details.  Live long in the moment, be present to the opportunities that God brings along our way, every day.

Keeping alive in my heart and mind the true meaning of our Saviour born into the world, getting ready to be born into so many hearts.  This Christmas, Jesus, be born in the hearts of our family and friends.  Be living and breathing and moving inside our spirits to bring us your thoughts about things.  We have the mind of Christ.  Thinking every thought you bring lifts us up into joy.  And JOY is what you came to bring us when you were born into our world.

You make everything beautiful in its time.  So let us stop rushing into the next season, searching for the things that will maybe make us happy, and rather receive everyday the gift you are, the most massive constantly new gift of our lives, an eternal gift at that.  Let us be your joy to our families and friends, remember and contemplate what you've done in our lives this past year.  And let us think with wonder about what you have in store for each day of the new year.  No matter what is going on around us, let us find and hold, let us meditate the thoughts you have, and be in the truth and Spirit of worship into 2013.

Woman of God

Woman of God, what beautiful wings you have
Refract the light of your King
Rainbow colours swirl into height
Caught up in the light.

Sing out your songs Beautiful Bride
Pour out the oil of your long suffering devotion
Line the robes of worship with your praise
Praise in the face of loneliness
Rise up in the fellowship of Spirit!

He is your all Consuming Fire
The Passion of all your days
His Eyes burn Holy Love
All of eternity is captured in His gaze.

Rise up Warrior Woman, your voice is shining
In the thunder, shining in the earthquake and storm
Your voice is trembling in the darkness
With the power of your Creator
About to birth the world in light.

Rise up to hear His Voice, listen
Be with the Prince of your Peace
Rest in the Living Water
Receive your Healing leaves.

No longer pushed down, no!
Not in the corner of shame
Never again to wear the rags of lost dreams
You are shining in the light of the Morning Star
Dance in the new dawn of the coming King
Dance in the face of danger, dance.

Woman of Destiny, you believe the Promise
You trust, you shout, you are full of faith.
Warrior Woman, you take hold of strength
Far greater than your own.

Woman of Standing, you speak as an Ambassador
No longer quiet in the shadows
No longer held back or held down
You are confident in your calling
You are secure on your Mighty Rock
You are brave on the white horse with the Rider
Called "Faithful and True".
Woman of Love, your voice rises in the Spirit wind
The keys of Heaven are turning,
The victory is won!

J Graser

Catching the Light

It has been a real journey of years coming to the place where I am launching my devotional, Catching the Light.  I began writing again more intentionally when I came back to South Africa after a time in Canada, at the end of 2001.  I was spending a lot of time processing life by writing poems and decided to try and publish.  I sent what I thought was my best piece and was sent back a generic rejection letter!  Talk about pain that heals!  It was painful at the time but the best thing ever for my writing.  I started learning and reading up more about writing poetry and out of that came some pieces I sent in to Utmost Christian Writers, a Christian poetry website.  They sent back a personal rejection letter, ha!  Now we're getting somewhere!  They helped me know what was working and what I needed to work on and out of that I got my first poem published on their website and was sent a $15 postal order.  I couldn't cash it, but that postal order is still in my journal!

Over the years I wrote various devotional poems and then decided to put together a devotional booklet called Walk into Waves.  I got some really good advice from a publisher on how to focus this piece of work and to extend it.  So over the last number of years I have been working on Catching the Light.  Through having children it has been the time I set aside for myself, to write, the pockets of time when I can with the help of my wonderful husband Karl!  Writing makes me come alive and I wanted to share my journey with others.  It comes out of a time of real brokenness I went through, and my process of healing as the Lord has taken me through each and every season, hand in hand. 

If you would like order a copy or to find out more about Catching the Light, check out my website www.secretplacedevotion.weebly.com

All Glorious Child of God

Deep underneath deep there is a place
Called “Eternity-in-the-Heart-of-Man”
When time no longer holds us
No longer binds us.
Elizabeth of the Trinity called it
“He is my Heaven”
How right she is, when all of Heaven
Is in God
And all of God
Is in me.
He is my Boundless Eternity
My expanding Universe
The space I need when everything
Is cramping in around me.
And there are no boundaries
No, “Do not disturb” signs
Not even one, “No Entry”
To be seen.

It’s all open, opening doors
A Universe to Explore
Truth dressed in white
With stars woven in the tassels.
Love rampant laughing round
And about, all free and easy
No stress, nothing to keep me away
One GIANT personal invitation
In my direction
“I await your presence
For tea.”

Pass the gates of thanks with much
Praise, skip through the secret garden
Of the treasure of Wisdom of Ages
Swing across the galaxies
Delve with abandon
Into wide open arms.
His arms are an open door
Straight into his open heart.
The Spirit of God shouts
“Freedom!
Freedom for the children of God!”
It’s like an avalanche of love
Just displaced so many icy lies
Poured out over mountains all
Waiting to be told
“Move here”, “Move there”.

Everywhere you look
There is only possibility,
Everywhere you look
There is hope on every face.
They’re all waiting for us
To see what Jesus sees
When he looks on us,
It’s like, "Who me? Oh yes,
I AM an all glorious child of God."

J Graser

Launch

It is with trepidation I launch into this
A memory of the last kiss, a lunch table happening
With some food on the corner of your mouth.
And then you looked like a holocaust survivor
With a baby in your lap, on the verge of your
Eternal birth.

Through the sleep deprived nights
Of holding bottles and a suckling at my breast
I look at all your beautiful innocence
The flavor of morning dew, white doves
In your mind, flying.

She is completely oblivious of the suffering
We hold close to us, Heaven is only
A step away, no,
A whisper and you’re there.

And now between the heartbeats
My mind is constantly attentive to memories
Trying to surface, faces being seen
People trying to relate across a chasm we can no longer cross
Until the end.

And so I launch into it, a cliff diver launch
I go slowly at first and then catch my breath as the air
Pummels my body,
And then
Piercing water, light, dreams, prayers
Bubbling upwards for another breath
Another day to launch off another
Cliff.

J Graser

Take-off time!

To start something new
Is like leaping off a cliff
To get a feel for your wings.

The air-rush through your feathers
And the sudden thermal uplift;
The view shudders through me
On such a day.

It often takes a few quiet thoughts
And a few steps in a certain direction
To gain momentum
And then all of the voices that say, you can’t
Get hushed and shoved one by one
Until you can only hear, you can,
Whoever said no in the first place?
It’s only one big yes from up here!

I’m free fall flying now
Catch the surge of a cloud
In a rainbow sunshine sky
And that’s me, it’s take-off time!

J Graser

The Flavour of Miracles

Time is like a thousand years, some days.

One of these days, a thousand years
Could happen, all in the space of a day.

Stars are like pinpricks of Heaven
Where people who have gone before
Peek through, and say, Look up!
Sometimes one of their prayers gets all ignited
With excitement
And a shooting star swishes some praise
Up into the face of God.
We get a reflection.

Tastes are like that,
Wine tasting, you get an idea
And then you want to buy the bottle, if it’s that good!
Well, looking up at the stars, seeing all the Heavenly host
All the saints routing for us up there
Pointing the way beyond the universe
Far beyond the restrictions of time
To where Heaven comes down to earth
We realise, the Kingdom is here, the Kingdom
IS here!

I want to crack open the bottle reserved for the end of the feast
THAT is the wine of miracles, the best is saved
For those who wait til the end
And then we savor the flavour
Of miracles.

J Graser

Consuming Fire

In 2 Kings 2:8 - 15, Elijah rolled up his cloak and the water parted for them to cross. Elisha was intent as he asked for a double portion of his spirit. Then Elijah was taken up into heaven in a whirlwind by a chariot and horses of fire! "My father! My father! The chariots and horsemen of Israel!" Elisha took up the cloak and struck the water, it too parted before him so that he could cross over.

It is time for us to cross over to the other side. Jesus has gone before us, into Heaven where he is seated at the right hand of our Father. He has given us his Spirit which is like that double portion mantle. Obstacles part as we walk into the purposes he has prepared for us. We need to take up the mantle of his Spirit. We like Elijah are being caught up in third Heaven encounters as the fire of Holy Spirit carries us in whirlwinds of worship. But there is a difference, we get to carry it into our world and live out heavenly realities here on earth. We carry the whilrlwinds of the heavens and the fires of his Spirit.

In Daniel 3:19 - 29 Shadrach, Meshack and Abednego were thrown into the fiery furnace. "Look! I see four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like a son of the gods." (vs 25) We can only walk in the anointing of the holy fire of God by the power of his Spirit, with Jesus who made the way into the holy of holies for us. If we try to walk in this in our own strength, it is impossible. Consider the soldiers who died from the intensity of the blaze. But, we are clothed in his righteousness and can walk in this most intense holiness of love and power, because Jesus accompanies us in the flames. Burn all dross in your holy fires of love! "No other god can save in this way". We become a testimony of God's greatness, the God of impossible realities - miracles.

Exodus 3:1 - 14, the burning bush of unquenchable flame is burning in our hearts with holy love - "I AM has sent me to you". We are at the burning bush of God's revelation in the most intimate place of our hearts. Let us remove anything that hinders us from his Presence, "take off our shoes" as it were and come into His Presence with nothing between us, for our God is a consuming fire. Heb 12:29. We are sent out to others with fire that does not burn out.

Flee to the Spring

In Genesis 16 Hagar flees into the wilderness when she comes to a spring. God speaks to her there and she calls it Beer Lahai Roi, Well of the Living One who sees me. Returning to our First Love is like fleeing to the spring in the wilderness. We come to the end of our ability to figure things out, we don't know which way to turn, or who to turn to for the answers. And then, Jesus reminds us, come. Even in the desert where everything seems barren, there is water for us.

We have a friend who recently went on a trip to Israel. In the dry hills and amongst the sparse vegetation is a spring of fresh water. Our friend climbed to the jumping off point, which was quite high up and took some time to decide whether to jump into the pool or not. Eventually, he took the jump. God takes us to places like this, where we have nowhere else to turn to but Him. There is no alternative. This is the only pool in the desert for who knows how many miles. And then He takes us to a new vantage point of trust where He doesn't want us to only drink, but to actually jump into His Spirit water. To not only drink, but to swim. To trust like never before. It really takes faith to take that leap, it is such a high jump and scary to leap off the cliff and trust everything is going to be ok. God loves us in this place, because then He gets our complete devotion, our full surrender and our worship.

Hagar named the spring, The Well of the Living One who Sees Me. God hasn't forgotten about you or me. He never will. In the same way He gave Hagar a clear direction in this place, when we come into His presence in this completely surrendered and desperate way, we will hear Him leading the way. You will hear a voice behind you saying, This is the way, walk in it. "My sheep know my voice." Even if that voice is simply saying, Wait.

The desire just grows and grows

No matter how many times I placed everything on hold
Even placing those very things on the flames of surrender
I just could not let go of the forming
Deep inside of me, I reached down into bedrock water
And took hold of it; I’m still drinking.

Now we look for the things we had long ago,
Thinking, if only we could have what we had before
But we lose sight of the fact that
Once we have lived a moment, we cannot live it again
And when we live in the moment, we embrace life.

The wine tasted really good before
But then one day, someone told me, the best is yet to come
And my heart so believed him,
I knew, He’s right! I haven’t even tasted that kind of vintage!
And it’s just around the bend in the road.

It’s nearly here for us, we can see it with our heart vision
And it’s all new, just complete surrender into life
Just trust like we never did before
Throw off all of the paraphernalia
Feel your heart beat through your chest again
Get rid of the stuff that clutters up your space
Step out of the familiar.

The desire just grows and grows
We throw off the old things that tangle and hinder
We live into it, taking the moment
By both hands, anything can happen!

The Wells of God

It is amazing how God opens up themes in our lives and takes us deeper. Just over two months ago, Karl was retrenched. We felt that God was preparing us for a whole new season. We set aside some time to seek God and felt that this time was about unblocking the wells. Here is some of the journey of wells I have been on.

Jesus told us that we have wells of life giving water within us, flowing up to everlasting life!
"…the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." John 4:14
Sometimes the enemy of our hearts comes to block up these wells. God desires to unblock the wells of our hearts. How do we do this? Return to First Love.

We become very busy and forget to draw from our wells. Over time these can become blocked up with the stones of forgetfulness. We don’t make time to rest with God. We can become too focused on work and lose sight of the God of the work. We need to return to our First Love. I felt God really highlight this scripture not so long ago. With tears I read Revelations 2: 5, "Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first." I felt Jesus drawing my heart into a deeper connection once again. Jesus lifts the stones out so that the pure, fresh life giving water can really flow.

In Bible times, the well was people’s main water source and was most often found outside the town along the main road. Many had to walk a mile or more for their water. They came to draw water in the morning and evening. This was the best place to meet new friends and chat with old ones. We need to leave the busy place and draw daily from His Spirit water. His wells are a place of friendship with God and others. When we draw of Him on a daily basis, we will not thirst. "…whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst." John 4:14 I was chatting about this with Karl a few weeks ago, and he spoke about Jesus being our fresh bread as well, the Bread of Life. We can both eat and drink of Him everyday. A few minutes later, I read on a huge billboard advertising sign, Fresh bread baked daily! I said, That's it! Jesus wants to be our fresh bread and the water we draw from everyday!

Let's just look at that for a bit. What is it to draw daily from the wells of God? It means we place such a high priority on what we need to survive spiritually, because we just can't live without that water. Have you ever been without water for a day? Well, imagine the toxins in your body trying to get out, your tongue gets thicker, your body slower... and the headache! How about our spirit man? We all know what it feels like to thirst for God and to feel so dry and in a spiritual desert. How do we draw from that water so our spiritual life can really thrive? We can swim in the wells of His presence.

I was thinking about really listening to Jesus, what is that like? "This is my beloved son with whom I am well pleased, listen to Him!" Matthew 17:5. I remind myself I have two ears to practice that listening, and one mouth. So I can tune down the talking part, and turn up the dial on my ears! There is an amazing statue at Kirstenbosch gardens. It is of a face with a huge opening where the eye is, you can see through this "eye" to the gardens below, such a beautiful sight! The mouth is so tiny, you really have to look for it. It is called "See more, speak less". So, we look to see what God is showing us wherever we are in our day. When we ask him to show us how to see with His eyes, what is normal can suddenly become supernatural! An advertising billboard can suddenly become a message from God!

We read in His word, not because we have to, not out of obligation, but because we come to relate, we are romancing our God and feeling His romance through the pages of the Spirit sword. We let the words flow over us like waters and just meditate on a few sentences, or, we read the Bible like a novel and get new insights from the Holy Spirit even though we may have read it many times before. Isn't it amazing how God does this?

As we spend time with friends, sharing and praying together, we can be the touch of God to each other. And worship? We can worship with each breath, just a conscious knowing that He is here, and practicing the Presence as we drink and drink again. These are just a few ways we can draw from the well. There are so many more. The important thing is, the drinking of it. That the water is free flowing. And, it flushes out the toxins of this hectic life we are living. We can ask God to just drench us in His Spirit. I've heard and read of people who are just intoxicated with His love and live there. I can say Amen to that! That is what I want!